Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Unknown

I've been thinking too much about the future lately. In a few short months from now, 

  1. Who will play with Charlie every afternoon?
  2. Who will I be texting on a daily basis?
  3. Who will I be sharing a room with?
  4. What will my daily routine be?
  5. Where will I be?
  6. Where will I be?
  7. Where will I be?
It's hard to imagine that in one week, I will know whether the sacrifices I have made in these past four years have been worth it. But regardless of the school I end at, how will I adjust to college life? I've never been an independent, free soul. The longest I have been away from my parents was for a week, and even then I was homesick. Who will Charlie cuddle with when I'm gone? Whose bed will he sleep on? I ask these questions, although trivial in the grand scheme of life, because I am afraid of the uncertainty of the immense future. I will leave the warmth and love of my parents, friends, and room behind and I don't know if I am ready for that. It reminds me of a poem I recently read in class: 

Though, half-way up the hill, I see the Past 
   Lying beneath me with its sounds and sights,-- 
   A city in the twilight dim and vast, 
With smoking roofs, soft bells, and gleaming lights,-- 
   And hear above me on the autumnal blast 
   The cataract of Death far thundering from the heights. 
               --"Mezzo Cammin,"Henry Longfellow

I am barreling towards the end of my life of structure and predictability as I know it, but in the mean time I will be frantically searching for the brakes. 

“Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear.” Shakespeare 

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