For the first time in weeks, I finally have time to look back and reflect. Ok, that might be a semi-lie. More like for the first time in weeks, I’m trapped in a situation where I have hours without any other distractions. I am currently sitting in a 6-hour car ride from Long Island back home, where plenty of distractions await.
I was in Long Island this weekend for my very first wedding, and boy was the bar set high for future weddings. The venue looked like an autumn dream, with birch wood branches covered in flowing roses and tea light candles. Bamboo and golden roses glimmered in the extraordinary centerpieces at each dinner table, and the dinner itself was just fantastic. The bride looked gorgeous in both her wedding gown and her traditional Qi Pao—but the look of love and adoration for her husband was the best of all. I can see now why people love weddings; family, friends, and the ones you love all in celebration for a new partnership is such an incredible atmosphere.
But alas, this mini vacation has come to an end and now I am faced with midterms and labs that wait for me as soon as I get back to school. This semester has been incredibly busy for me, primarily due to the random bunch of extracurriculars I am involved in. I still don’t know why I continue to torture myself with random activities, but the sense of obligation and responsibility keeps me going. At points I look at everything and think, “Who am I doing this all for?” Is it for my own sanity? Is it to make my parents proud? Or is it my way of keeping up with the ambitious culture that permeates my school? I know that I need to put my foot down sooner rather than later, but I feel like my sense of pride will always get in the way. I will keep on going at this rate until I burn out…and there’s nothing I can do to stop this spiraling pattern get out of control. Just watch though, next time I blog, I’m going to have some epic change of heart. That’s just how I get! I have random bursts of confidence, and then parallel bursts of self-doubt. I’ll just see in time what my confusing state of mind really entails.